Trust Issues

I need to start by telling you guys a story about something that happened to me when I was twelve years old, It may be too graphic for some readers, so this is a warning to you now. I have kept it pent up inside for so long, and really do not know how to talk about it, but here goes nothing I suppose. I was only twelve years old and had just moved into the United States of America from where I was raised in Germany. My family had stopped at a truck stop so that I could use the restroom. Inside of this restroom, a man, whom I had never met before and never would again, would decide to take advantage of me. Sexually. At the age of twelve years old I was raped, by a stranger, in a truck stop restroom. This is something that only my therapist knows, until now, not even my parents knew. This traumatic event would destroy me mentally for years to come, and shape who I am today. However, probably the greatest negative impact it has had on my life is my now massive trust issues.
Before I continue however, I would like to give a quick rant about how sexual assault can happen to men also, it may be less common, but it is very real. I grew up feeling shunned by everyone due to a widespread myth that it only occurs to women. I am here to say it happens to men to, and having it happen to you does not make you any less of a man. If you have had a similar encounter, and need to get it off your chest, my mailbox is always open.
Now, however, I have trouble trusting even my closest friends. I hate being around other men alone, and the “stereotypical” “guy” talk makes me so uncomfortable I get sick. I am also now disgusted and terrified of anything physical contact and sexual things. I am constantly questioning whether these people are truly my friends or not, I always feel as though I am being used and taken advantage of, which, honestly, I probably am because I always try to be nice and respectful to everyone.
Anyways, if you guys have any advice for me, I would love to hear it, Thank you for reading this, I am sorry it is such a sad topic.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s